Matilda Helen McNee
DOB 14/05/08 @ 36 wks
To hear Maddis story i guess i should start at the beginning.
After one beautiful healthy little girl Haylie 4, and a not so healthy little boy Rory who is a chronic asthmatic (diagnosed at 9 mths after about 6 bouts of bronchilitis), a marriage proposal at 6mths preg with Rory, a disasterous wedding at which i was 15 weeks pregnant with our third baby who we sadly did not know about until we lost it a few weeks later, my husband and I decide to "plan" a third and last child. It was supposed to be perfect, I had it all planned. I would work up until i was nearly ready to give birth, enjoy one last pregnancy and have one more fantastic birth experience. Wrong wrong wrong!!
It all started about 11 weeks into the pregnancy whilst i was at work, I felt so horribly sick that I came home to rest. It was unlike anything i had ever felt. By 13 weeks i couldnt even get out of bed let alone drive the kids to school. I felt useless and I even had to stand near the sink or have a bucket handy when i changed Rory's nappy just in case. After countless doctor's visits and 2 different types of anti nausea meds (both of which made me sicker) I was prescribed sleeping tablets. HA! With a one year old and a three year old? SURE! Luckily, with the help and support of my darling husband and my fantastic gyno Dr Farag from NGPH (North Gosford Private Hospital) and I did bit of web browsing, we discovered that I wasn't dying (or faking). I actually had a condition called Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HD) which occurs in only 1-10% of pregnancies but because not much is known about it, the main treatment is rehydration and Zofran (an anti nausea medication). I was actually slowly losing weight instead of gaining it as I threw up nearly everything I ate or drank. Sorry, I am going on a bit but hopefully it makes others more aware as mothers and their unborn bubs have died from this condition.
So, anyway I learnt to manage as best i could and got on with things, until 25 weeks gest. when I went into Gosford Hospital in excruciating pain with kidney stones. I was kept in hospital overnight and then kicked out the next morning.
I went for my 30 week scan and was told that my baby was slightly smaller than expected (by about 3 bloody weeks!) but it was nothing to worry about. The next week I was having a routine BP test when my midwife looked at me and said "lie down i'll be back in a minute", next thing I know I'm spending the night in NGPH. I later read my antenatal card and saw that my BP was 180/120. But as my blood pressure went down i was booted out again the next morning and told to return once a week for a BP test. Once a week turned into every other day and I was just so physically and emotionally exhausted. I asked my doctor for an induction once if reached 38 weeks, just wait and see was his answer. I was hospitalised one more time with high BP, blurred vision, fluid retention, kidney and liver pain on my sons 2nd birthday. My doctor had told me to watch for the signs of Pre Eclampsia. I was absolutely devastated but knew that i had my beautiful Maddi to think about and the more time she was in my womb the better she would be as we had been told even if I reached full term she would be on the smaller side. But yet again I was booted out the following morning.
9 Days later on the 14th of May 2008 at 36 weeks I told my husband something was not right. We gathered up Rory as Haylie was having a bonding day with Nanny and went to the hospital for my routine BP check. When I was told that it was 180/125 I finally cracked. I had done my research, I knew the risk of a BP that high and while I had this overwhelming desire to hold on for the growing life inside of me I was also looking into the face of my baby boy and wondering what would happen to my family if I was to have a stroke, or worse. So I told my midwife I was scared and i'd had enough and could she please get the bloody doctor. This was 11.30am. He walked in, and explained to me that although i did not have all of the symptoms he believed that i had PRE ECLAMPSIA and that the baby would need to be delivered today. So he did an internal and said I'm sorry I cannot induce you as your cervix is not even in your pelvis yet so I start operating at 12 and your are now second on my list for an emergancy caesarian. An induction i was prepared for as we had discussed this option, but a caesar? This was a whole different ball game. So I rang mum and got her to pick up Rory and gave her a kiss an told her someone would call her.
I had nothing with me only the clothes I was wearing and Riley (my husband) only had time to go and grab a disposable camera from the nearby chemist.
I was ok until they took me into the little room you go into before they wheel you into theatre, then I fell apart. What if she's too small, what if she can't breathe, what happens if my BP gets out of control when they give me the spinal block? What if Riley - who hates needles - faints?
By the time they took me into the room I was a sobbing mess. I cried the whole time i was having the spinal block- which I might add he took 3 goes at- and Riley had to lay on the floor after because he nearly fainted. But as they lay me on the table all I coud think of was my baby. For the first time in my life I asked God to help her and give me the strength for whatever may come.
At 3.30pm my beautiful daughter was brought into the world an after a good suck out she let out a loud wonderful scream. I cannot describe the fear waiting for her to make a noise. it took about a minute but it was the longest minute of my life. She was a tiny little ball with bright red hair and the spitting image of her proud daddy. I was allowed a cuddle for 15 minutes before she was taken upstairs to be checked out weighed and cleaned up. Daddy went with her whilst I went to recovery and was immediately exhausted. Around an hour later I was taken back to maternity and greeted by my mum, Haylie, my brother Dean, his girlfriend Deanna and my cousin and best mate Jamie. They were all in shock over how tiny she was and whilst Jamie was giving her a cuddle she noticed our little Maddi was cold even though she was wrapped in a nice warm blankie and being cuddled so she was immediately whisked into special care and placed under a heater until the next day when she could maintain her own body temperature.
I dont think I fully understood the extent of how tiny she was until the next day when they took the morphine off me and I was allowed up and could go and meet my precious little miracle. She was 20 hours old before I even learnt how much she weighed. 5lb 8oz or 2490grams, but as she was a premmie and didn't grow much due to my severe morning sickness and pre eclampsia, she had parts of her that were not as yet formed like the cartlidge in her ears and her vagina was basically non existant not like a full term baby whose girly bits are so swollen they more resemble testes. I was so shocked when I first changed her nappy I hit the nurse button to find out what was wrong with my bub, but was quicky reassured that all would be good as soon as she put on weight.
But the thing that really hit me was when I tried to breast feed and my breast was about 3 times the size of her tiny head. I never knew that premmies don't have the suck reflex and so I couldn't understand why I couldnt feed her as I had enough milk for all the babies in the ward and when she finally did try she was so exhausted she fell straight to sleep. I felt like a failure, I couldn't grow my baby, couldn't care for the 2 I already had, couldn't keep her in full term and now I couldn't breastfeed. Maddi came home after 6 days in special care with mild jaundice and I persisted breastfeeding until she was 2 months old but by that time I had post natal depression so we decided to bottle feed. She then thrived, and I went and got the help and sleep I needed.
At my 4 week check up I was told that i did indeed have PRE ECLAMPSIA and that I was lucky to get as far as I did in my pregnancy. The symptoms are so easily passed as other pregnancy aches and pains that I never really noticed but I now know how serious this can be.
Maddi is now 5 mths and 2 weeks or 4 mnths 2weeks corrected and is a beautiful, happy, chubby little girl who has since only given me one scare after turning blue at 12 weeks and being admitted to hospital with croupe and bronchilitis, but is now what they call a happy wheezer. We are watching for signs of asthma but will take each day as it comes.
I feel truly blessed to have three happy children and would like to thank Fiona and Central Coast Prems for being a wonderful support network for mums in the same position.
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